Outlining the optimal military tactics for taking the Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle.


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Knowledge is power: Outlining the optimal military tactics for taking the Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle.

Above all, we can all agree on this secondary objective:

While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The “It’s a Small World” ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn’t a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others.

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One comment

  • Garry

    Don’t forget to save some thermite grenades to render the jungle cruise boats permanently inoperable. Medical staff, stand by to conduct intensive deprogramming of the operators of same jungle cruise boats, in the hopes that someday in the distant future they can overcome their traumatic brainwashing and years of mindless recitation and be psychologically fit to rejoin society.

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