Tag: satire

The entire NRA has converted to Islam to stymie the Obama administration’s effort to take their guns.

9:28 am

News flash! The entire NRA has converted to Islam to stymie the Obama administration’s effort to take their guns!

“This administration loves providing guns —big guns, and thousands of them— to Muslim fighters in Libya, Egypt, now Syria,” said [NRA CEO Wayne] LaPierre, bedecked in Wahhabi-style Muslim garb, at a press conference Wednesday. “Many of these rebel groups consist of radical jihadists who hate America just as much as the governments we’re helping them topple. If Obama is so pro-gun when it comes to radical Muslims, then damn it, we at the NRA are now radical Muslims, too!”

The response from the White House press secretary was not surprising.

“Admittedly, we’re perplexed at the (NRA’s) announcement of its conversion to Islam,” said a stunned-looking Carney. “And if more legal gun owners follow the NRA’s lead and convert to Islam, it will make it even harder for the administration to push for tighter gun laws, since we all know it’s middle-aged, rural, Christian white men with families who legally own guns who are the greatest threat in America today. Now we’ve lost much of that dangerous demographic to target. It’s a strategically cowardly move.”

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Pretend gun control!

10:09 am

Now this is a great idea: Pretend gun control!

What we can do is pass a law banning a bunch of made-up things that sound scary, and many gun control proponents already have great ideas along this line. For instance, I read a column in which Howard Kurtz mentioned a ban on high-magazine clips — we can certainly do without something that nonsensical. And I’ve heard the press before mention armor-piercing hollow points and plastic guns (actually, I think we already banned that made-up weapon in the ’80s). And as long as the NRA and Wayne LaPierre go apoplectic about it (“This ban on sorcerer-enchanted guns is just a slippery slope toward eliminating all witch-hexed weaponry!”), gun control proponents won’t know the difference between this and actual gun control.

Considering the level of ignorance about guns exhibited by every one of the gun control advocates, both politicians and media pundits, I almost think we could get away with this.

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“Healthy Ridicule.”

5:34 pm

“Healthy ridicule.”

It is healthy for America that the president be criticized and even mocked. Deference to a Dear Leader has no place in a democracy. It’s healthy for race relations, too, that he be judged on his record rather than held to a lower standard in the name of racial progress. When a black politician is treated just like any other politician, that’s genuine progress.

And then there’s this:

Obama’s journalistic supporters live in a bizarre alternate reality in which a politician’s actual words mean nothing. When the president says something foolish and offensive, he didn’t say that. Meanwhile every comment from a Republican can be translated, through a process of free association, to: “We don’t like black people.”

Taranto’s second point above suggests to me that there are a lot of people on the left whose recent behavior is making them ripe targets for some very healthy ridicule.

Read the whole thing.

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A special Iowahawk guest commentary by Barack Obama, stargazer-in-chief.

9:37 am

A special Iowahawk guest commentary by Barack Obama, stargazer-in-chief.

Neil’s passing gives all of us all pause to consider deeper questions. What does it mean for the future of space exploration? How proud would Neil have been to have a famous historic president refer to him by first name? And, most importantly, how did his death inspire that historic president to make ever more gigantic leaps for mankind?

The commentary might be satire written by Dave Burge, but the photo at the link is real, our President’s idea of honoring Neil Armstrong, with a photo of himself.

Not the same kind of photo legacy that Neil Armstrong left us.

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Private-sector experience? Oh, no!

12:40 am

Private-sector experience? Oh, no!

People have started to learn some disturbing facts about likely Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney: He once worked for Bain Capital — which is what’s known as a private-sector business. Harmless as the term sounds, it’s much scarier once you understand how such outfits operate.

A private-sector business doesn’t even pretend to make decisions based on how to best help people or what creates the most jobs or even on what will most equally distribute income. It makes decisions based only on what creates a profit.

Yes, it’s frightening to think that something so mercenary even exists — even worse that someone who worked for something like that could actually become president. Of course, the only people who should lead our country and manage our economy are those who remain unsullied by the private sector’s for-profit mentality: career politicians.

Read the whole thing. Once again, Frank Fleming hits the nail on the head.

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