Tag: comedy
The Republican presidential candidate we’ve all been waiting for
The Republican presidential candidate we’ve all been waiting for.
Who, you may ask, is T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII?
Simply put, a man born to the conservative saddle. The only scion of the legendary swashbuckling conservative editor / author / bon vivant T. Coddington Van Voorhees VI, I have since my earliest days honed a conservatism forged in the fires of intellectual combat, stoked by the bellows of classic education, and tempered in the cooling waters of good breeding. Even before matriculating at East Hampton Country Daycare, I was thrust headlong into heady intellectual debates of postwar American politics. Oh, how I cherish those moments, bouncing astride my father’s knee, as he held postprandial court on the patio with Long Island Sound’s most scrupulous Republicans – like Newport GOP chairman Z. Pilastor Fennewick, Greenwich GOP legend Boylston McInernery, and East Hampton’s “hostess with the mostest,” Modesty Crabwater. And although Dad had his differences with each, I admired the elegant grace with which these Republicans could command an Adirondack chair or accept electoral defeat. It is that very same grace I shall endeavor to bring back to the Grand Old Party.
The Republican presidential candidate we’ve all been waiting for.
Who, you may ask, is T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII?
Simply put, a man born to the conservative saddle. The only scion of the legendary swashbuckling conservative editor / author / bon vivant T. Coddington Van Voorhees VI, I have since my earliest days honed a conservatism forged in the fires of intellectual combat, stoked by the bellows of classic education, and tempered in the cooling waters of good breeding. Even before matriculating at East Hampton Country Daycare, I was thrust headlong into heady intellectual debates of postwar American politics. Oh, how I cherish those moments, bouncing astride my father’s knee, as he held postprandial court on the patio with Long Island Sound’s most scrupulous Republicans – like Newport GOP chairman Z. Pilastor Fennewick, Greenwich GOP legend Boylston McInernery, and East Hampton’s “hostess with the mostest,” Modesty Crabwater. And although Dad had his differences with each, I admired the elegant grace with which these Republicans could command an Adirondack chair or accept electoral defeat. It is that very same grace I shall endeavor to bring back to the Grand Old Party.
NASA satellite falls on car
Hugh Laurie – All you gotta do is . . .
Hope and Crosby – The Road to Zanzibar
Monty Python – The Cheese Shop sketch
Walking on water
An evening pause: Walking on water. As the youtube website explained, “They filled a pool with a mix of cornstarch and water made on a concrete mixer truck. It becomes a non-newtonian fluid. When stress is applied to the liquid it exhibits properties of a solid.”
Jack Benny meets Twilight Zone
Holistic ER
G-Male by Google
Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin
Compliation of news fails 2011
Hope and Crosby – The Road to Morocco
Danny Kaye and Beverly Sills – Opera parody
John Cleese – How to irritate people by being considerate
Why Obama should be re-elected
Why Obama should be re-elected.
The guy has done absolutely everything he’s promised… that’s mattered. Like remember how he said he was going to pass a big stimulus and keep unemployment from being 8%? Well, he passed his stimulus, and now unemployment… is not 8%. It’s an entirely different number than that. If you really didn’t want 8% unemployment, well guess what: You’re not dealing with that level of unemployment. Promise kept. And look at all the work he did for it: He spent $666 billion to bypass 8% unemployment. Could you spend that much money? No way. If I sat you down in front of a computer, logged you in to Amazon, and said, “Spend $666 billion,” it would be futile. You’d be clicking “Buy Now” until your mouse broke. But Obama did it; the man’s got hustle.
Read the whole thing. It will surely change your mind about Obama.
Why Obama should be re-elected.
The guy has done absolutely everything he’s promised… that’s mattered. Like remember how he said he was going to pass a big stimulus and keep unemployment from being 8%? Well, he passed his stimulus, and now unemployment… is not 8%. It’s an entirely different number than that. If you really didn’t want 8% unemployment, well guess what: You’re not dealing with that level of unemployment. Promise kept. And look at all the work he did for it: He spent $666 billion to bypass 8% unemployment. Could you spend that much money? No way. If I sat you down in front of a computer, logged you in to Amazon, and said, “Spend $666 billion,” it would be futile. You’d be clicking “Buy Now” until your mouse broke. But Obama did it; the man’s got hustle.
Read the whole thing. It will surely change your mind about Obama.
A dark and stormy night, 2011
The 2011 winners in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced, given to the writer who comes up with the worst opening sentence for an imaginary novel. This winner in the purple prose category is my favorite:
As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue.
Go here to see all the winners.
The 2011 winners in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced, given to the writer who comes up with the worst opening sentence for an imaginary novel. This winner in the purple prose category is my favorite:
As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue.
Go here to see all the winners.
The periodic table of irrational nonsense
Candid Camera demonstrates the power of conformity
Christopher Walken reads “The Three Little Pigs”
An evening pause: How about another modern retelling of a classic children’s tale? Christopher Walken reads “The Three Little Pigs”.
Fry and Laurie – Tricky Linguistics
Eric Idle – Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
The TS&A
Thomas Dolby’s “She blinded me with science” as performed by the Muppets
An evening pause: Thomas Dolby’s “She blinded me with science” as performed by the Muppets.
Tim Minchin – Some people have it worse than I
An engineer’s guide to cat yodeling
Mary Tyler Moore Show – The Ted Baxter School of Broadcasting
An evening pause: A scene from The Mary Tyler Moore Show, “Ted Baxter’s Famous Broadcasters School”, originally broadcast February 22, 1975. One of behindtheblack’s regular readers was reminded of this episode by my press conference experience on Wednesday.