“You didn’t build that.”

“You didn’t build that: Readings from the Book of Barack.”

1 In the beginning Govt created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the economy was formless and void, darkness was over the surface of the ATMs, and the Spirit of Govt was hovering over the land.

3 And Govt said, “Let there be spending,” and there was spending. 4 Govt saw that the spending was good, and that it separated the light from the darkness. 5 Govt called the spending Investments, and this he did in the first day.

6 Then Govt said, “Let there be roads and bridges across the waters, and let dams divide the waters from the waters.” 7 Thus Govt made the infrastructure and the patronage jobs for eternity under the firmament from the Potomac which was above the firmament; and it was so. 8 And Govt called the firmament Washington. This Govt did on the second day.

9 Then Govt said, “Let the regulations and the guidlines under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the Bureaus appear”; and it was so. 10 And Govt called the Bureaus demigovts, and the gathering together of them He called AFSCME. And Govt saw that it was good.

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Outlining the optimal military tactics for taking the Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle.

Knowledge is power: Outlining the optimal military tactics for taking the Magic Kingdom’s Cinderella Castle.

Above all, we can all agree on this secondary objective:

While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The “It’s a Small World” ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn’t a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others.

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