A new research study finds that every time someone imagines the economic system of Socialism working, it does so as much as 98 percent of the time!

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Heh: A new research study finds that every time someone imagines socialism working, it does so, as much as 98 percent of the time!

“There’s no ambiguity about our findings,” said Dr. Halbert Thursday, “we have proved beyond a doubt: every time someone imagines the economic system of Socialism working, it does. Regardless of what time in history, too,” continued Halbert, “if someone imagined that Socialism has worked in the past, it did. If someone imagined it working currently, it does. And if a person imagined it will work in the future, it will. It’s the most amazing thing…Truly remarkable.”

The study consisted of interviewing 5000 economists and ordinary citizens around the world, from socialist and non-socialist countries alike. No matter where in the world, people realized the repeatedly attempted 200-plus-year-old social and economic system operated fairly, efficiently, and humanely nearly every time they fantasized it would. Said Dr. Halbert, “The people in North Korea we were allowed to interview were the most enthusiastic. They not only declared their economic system the best in the world, but the best ever in the solar system.”



  • Pzatchok

    “This was the easiest survey I’ve ever done,” said 19-year-old UH sophomore Theo Medhurst. They just sat me down, gave me a few textbook definitions of Socialism and asked me to think of how well it would work if applied in real life. And you know what: in my mind, it worked. Holy shit, it does!”

    Life is but a dream…..

  • Richard

    Who was that Italian Gentleman who made the trains run on time?
    One more thing. The Roman empire worked very well.

  • Thomas

    <<<<<<waiting for the suckers to be reeled in… good job.

  • jwing

    Imagine all the people, living for today….blah, blah, balh. I’m sorry but John Lennon and the Left got it all wrong. It’s so easy to imagine eutopoa while you live in a multi-million dollar residence in the Dakota of Central Park West and have millions in your bank account. It’s also interesting that he left England to escape the high taxation. Even George Harrison made sure he was living and died in another country other than good ole socialist England.

    Imagine small government and individual liberty.

  • JGL

    (If you want to see something disturbing scroll down that article and look to the right under “Commentary” and get a look at the guy with all of the hardware installed in his head.)

    The study of course is ridiculous. I consider myself a socialist when I choose to redistribute what ever it is that I want to redistribute not when the government mandates that I must redistribute something that they determine. Thats the only kind of socialism that can be tolerated.

    Obama and his followers love this kind of feel good “study”.

  • Imagine small government and individual liberty.

    Imagine sitting on that individual liberty watching mind numbing, spirit crushing game shows.

  • Thomas

    Imagine small government which has been effectively stripped of power, replaced by complete and total dependency on multi-national corporations tha thave ZERO allegiance to the USA – that don’t give a damn about individual liberty, issues of privacy, free speech, access to clean water, a clean environment, your health or any other principles that depend on enlightenment values, or our Government implementing the Constitution, but only to PROFIT.

    Then turn on those game shows.

  • Pzatchok

    Yes Imagine the US government opening up free trade to a communist nation that does all those things.

    Like using political prisoners and semi slave labor to make goods for sale in the US.
    A nation with only one political party.
    A nation that does not allow free ownership or land.
    A nation that claims all the natural resources of that land for itself.
    A nation that does not allow free movement of its citizens from one state to the next.
    A nation that rapes the oceans and international waters against all modern international laws.

    Yes I to can imagine. And guess what? “Socialism” works in that nation. Just ask its citizens.

    I know this because I have a friend who can not have her mother and father over to the states at the same time for a vacation. And her mother is a member of The Party. Though her father spent 16 years in a labor camp.

  • JGL

    While you make good points related to muti-national company’s you then slide into your juveinile rantings, your inability to be objective is your stumbling block. The people here are in general reasonable and willing to discuss what you identify. But you are undeveloped and only see what it is that has been force fed to you. Sad.

    (and keep in mind that I have no need for you to reply to my posts, I know you are reading them. Not really understanding them, but I know you are reading them. I point out your faulty reasoning for your own good and anyone else who thinks in the limited way that you think. And not because I don’t like you, I can see that you are passionate about your point of view. The only problem is that it is a stunted and limited way of thinking.)

  • What’s wrong with profit?

    Also, how are you going to have multinational corporations and small government at the same time?

  • joe

    This should have been posted from the people’s cube!, funny stuff!

  • Chris L

    To be fair, it’s just silly enough to be true. A “fake but accurate” kind of thing.

  • The website that wrote this satire piece, Duh Progressive, is similar to The People’s Cube. Both use humor to poke holes in leftwing ideology.

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