A dark and stormy night

The 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest has been awarded, given to the writer who comes up with the worst opening sentence for an imaginary novel. This year’s winner, Molly Ringle, achieved the honor with this gem:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Go here to see the runners-up, all of which are worth it.

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Benny and Blanc on Carson

An evening pause: Jack Benny and Mel Blanc on the Johnny Carson show, 1974. After you have watched and laughed, ask yourself this question: why is it funny? The answer: because sometimes the best “funny” is in how it’s done, not in what is said.

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Tim Conway and the Elephant

An evening pause: a classic comedy moment from the Carol Burnett Show. Tim Conway says a few simple words that on their face are not that funny, but somehow he not only puts you and the audience in tears, he destroys everyone on the set as well.

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Bob Hope singing “Buttons and Bows”

An evening pause: Remembered mostly today for his dedication to entertaining our American troops overseas as well as his comedy movies with Bing Crosby, Bob Hope was more than this. He had one of the quickest wits of any comic in history combined with a manner that was gentle but honest. It is a shame that few comics today can put this combination together, going instead for a kind of Don Rickles-type insult humor instead. Here is Hope (with his co-star Jane Russell) in the movie The Paleface, showing that he could sing as well. The second-half of the clip shows a not-too-interesting skit with Roy Rogers and (again) Jane Russell with all three singing the same song:

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